


The Scars We Can See

by Alorax



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Angst, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-09-30 21:15:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17231321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alorax/pseuds/Alorax
Summary: A stray kids gang fanfic in which y/n gets severely pissed off realizing she's falling for the leader of a notorious gang Mr. Bang Chan





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhh sorry in advance! In this story my grammar = shit and the spelling is also probably horrid. Please feel free to yell at me about all the mistakes. This story also contains mentions of some pretty touchy subjects, but I'll put a disclaimer at the beginning of each chapter. SO DISCLAIMER mentions of abuse, murder, and rape (wow fun)

It feels like a lifetime ago, but I can still see it so clearly. That moment I first saw his freckled face light up with that huge smile. That's the smile, I thought to myself, that smile saved my life. Lee Felix saved my life that day and I was never the same. Before him my childhood consisted of an absentee mother and abusive father. I didn't know any other life. I was quiet and the other kids made fun and weren't allowed to play with me because their parents thought our family was weird. I guess they were right. Then one day two weeks before I turned six Felix and his family moved in next door. I was out in the front yard alone and he ran right up to me and introduced himself. "Hi there! I'm Felix and I live there now!" he said pointing at his house, smiling proudly. "My birthday is in two weeks! I'm almost six!" he then exclaimed not waiting for me to respond. "I'm y/n" I said quietly staring and the ground and when he didn't respond I added "my birthday is in two weeks too. I'll turn six." That's when he shouted making me jump and yelled "Mom! Dad! I found my twin!" his parents came outside and smiled wide; a stark contrast to what I was used to seeing on my own parent's faces. From then on we were inseparable. Every year we held joint birthday parties at Felix's house. Just us two and his parents. We would spend every lunch, every after school evening, every weekend attached at the hip. Always at his house. Sometimes I wondered if his parents ever question why. Why I had so many bruises all the time and why we never played at my house. But just like Felix they were so naive. Felix asked me once when I was unprepared and my story fell flat. I could see in his eyes that he didn't totally believe me, but he never pressed for answer, we were too young. For this I felt thankful. If he had pressed too hard I might have broken and in the process broken him. Felix never cared that I was quiet. Felix never cared that I was weird. Felix never cared that I couldn't always do things like normal kids. Felix never cared that we didn't have any other friends. Felix loved me like a best friend; like a sister. Felix was the first precious person I ever had and I could never express how much that meant and when I cried in front of him that first time he gave me a hug and said it would be alright. Now sitting here in the cold I feel grateful for all the things he gave to me. I hope now that I'm gone there's no one to hold him back. No one he has to take care of. I hope he feels happy right now. We were eleven when it happened. It was our birthday. I had forgotten my book at school and went back to get it. I told Felix to go ahead and go home. I said I'd only be a second. I didn't mean to lie to him that day. 

It was so quick. They just grabbed me and pulled me into the car. I didn't make a sound and the men holding me didn't either. The man in the driver's seat simply glanced at me. I was scared, but more than that I was worried about Felix. He must be waiting for me. Maybe I was naive then too. We drove for a long time in silence and my wrists were sore from the restraints, but still I made no sound. When we arrived at this building in the middle of nowhere they took me from the car and brought me inside. There were other kids there some my age and some older. They looked at me curiously and I looked back. I refused to cry as they threw me into a cell just the same as the others. I looked into his eyes as the driver of the car said "Welcome to training." 

Those first days they didn't feed me and I wondered why they would take someone like me. Now I know that it was never random. They knew I wouldn't be missed. After they decided I was emaciated enough it started. First simple beatings. Men would come and beat me senseless. This I was used to. It was painful, but I was too stubborn and just like with my father I refused to scream. Then it was burning. First with small things; then with larger irons. This too I could endure. Next was waterboarding. The first few times were so scary, but even this I got used to. What I didn't expect were the rapes. The older trainees came in at night when I turned fourteen. After they left I cried for days. I had never kissed anyone and suddenly I was no longer a virgin. After the first few times only one boy came in; Sunwoo. He was always the most aggressive. He was the one who squeezed my neck until I turned purple while he was doing it. He wanted me to scream and cry, but still I refused. I wouldn't beg, but he could tell he had broken me and that was enough. Next came the mutilation. They carved into my back, my stomach, my arms, my legs while the older trainees watched the lessons. I touched the scars now as I reminisced. When I turned fifteen they decided I was ready. I began training as an interrogator. This job mostly consisted of torturing people, and finally I knew the reason I was here. This was a gang and a large one at that. They needed trained individuals fiercely loyal to the gang to do their bidding. I guess it worked I thought as a bitter laugh escaped from my lips and echoed off the walls of the empty room. I couldn't imagine leaving the gang now. This is the only life I've ever know. Since that time I've done my part not only as a top interrogator, but as an assassin as well. After my final mission of disposing of my parents I took the place of my senior after his death on a job. The killing of your own family signifies the death of your old self and your emergence into this new 'family' but it just made me feel sick. Did they deserve it? Undoubtedly, but I still grieved for the last of my humanity that left that day. 

These days I can leave whenever I want. I've gained the trust of the higher ups, but this doesn't mean much to me. Even though I have my own place I still sleep in the concrete cage that was my home for so long. The cold floor makes my freezing heart feel more bearable. Two knocks and someone comes in saying I have a job. Most ask who and why, but I really I don't care. I just do what I'm told. I walk towards the room and I'm met by three men twice my size. Ironic how I could kill them so easily. "There's nine of 'em so we'll back you up." one of them said. I just opened the door and walked in. There were nine people tied to chairs in line. They all looked quite young. About my age. All with their eyes set showing no fear. Some were scared, but would never show it. My eyes landed on the man in the first chair. His back was straight and he didn't seem scared at all. It was obvious from the way everyone glanced towards him he was their leader. He felt me staring and our eyes locked. I felt something deep in my chest stir. To say I was surprised was an understatement, but I kept my face impassive as a I heard someone speak. "Y/n?" the voice spoke so softly layered thick with shock. But this wasn't just anyone's voice. He had gone through puberty and his voice was low and booming, but I'd recognize it anywhere. I turned to Felix and froze.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof anotha one  
> MORE DISCLAIMERS mentions of murder and abuse

"Y/n?" the voice spoke so softly layered thick with shock. But this wasn't just anyone's voice. He had gone through puberty and his voice was low and booming, but I'd recognize it anywhere. I turned to Felix and froze. This careful little world of apathy I had built for myself turned to ash. Before my mind even registered what I was doing my knife was buried in one of the guards necks. I quickly elbowed the next one in the face and slit his throat. I swept the last ones legs out from under him and plunged the knife into his voice box before he could yell. After the guards were taken care of I immediately moved to Felix and cut his ropes. "Y/n" he said again. I didn't look at him when I simply said "go." "You're coming" he responded. I couldn't argue because he was right. How could I stay after I just killed these three members. I didn't say anything just nodded. The other eight guys looked confused, but I doubted they would refuse being set free. "Felix we can't trust her she's-" one of them said before Felix cut them off "Minho we can and we will." his voice full of power and determination as he enunciated every syllable and practically growled it. This was his 'don't you dare question me’ voice and he only used it for very serious occasions. I can see this was still the case as the other members were a bit shocked at him using that tone. "I'll explain everything, but first we need to leave." he said softer this time now looking towards their leader who just nodded. As I was cutting his restraints his hand brushed up against mine and it felt like I just touched a live wire. I froze for only half a second, but I knew he noticed. 

When I was done I turned wordlessly as I led them to the garage. I went first checking every corner making sure there was no one in the halls. No should be here because all the trainees should be at lessons, but you can never be too careful. Once we made it to the garage I ran to a van that could fit all ten of us and took my knife, still covered in blood, and cut out the tracking device I knew they had in there then threw it out the window. "Get in" I heard Felix say as their leader opened the passenger seat and hopped in. The rest of them loaded in the back and I sped out of the garage as quickly as possible. We should have enough time before they notice something isn't right, but you never know. Once we were pretty sure we weren't being followed the mood in the van relaxed a bit, but everyone was sill weary of me. "uhhh where are we going?" the one who looked the youngest said. I said nothing, but glanced at him in the rear view. He still had braces. Cute. I looked back at the road, but I could feel their leaders eyes on me. No one spoke as I turned onto the nearly invisible dirt road that wound deep into the forest. 

When we finally arrived I didn't really know what to do so I just did what I usually do. I went into my living room and used the keypad to reveal my weapons cabinet where I took out a clean white towel and wiped the blood from my knife before placing it back in its spot. I threw the towel into the bin with the other dirty ones and turned around to find nine boys staring directly at me. They didn't speak so neither did I as I made my way to the sink to wash the dried blood off my hands, but my step faltered when Felix said "y/n" for the third time today. My eyes snapped to his. I never thought I'd hear his voice again. When I took a breath even I was surprised to hear it shake. I said nothing as I dried my hands and I made my way back to the weapons cabinet and took out a small box. I turned to them and motioned for them to sit on the couch. 

I sat next to Felix and hesitated before pulling open the lid. I slid the box over to him and he glanced at me, but I couldn't meet his eyes. He looked into the box and I fixed my eyes on him. He pulled out the only two personal possessions I owned. The birthday card he had written for me the day I was taken and a small picture of us on our eighth birthday when we smeared chocolate cake on each other smiling brightly at the camera. He laughs as he looks at the picture recalling the same memory. He unfolds the card and reads what he wrote that day "To my twin y/n! Let's have a good birthday together this year too! You know I'll love you forever, right? p.s. I want ice cream cake next year!" I watched him read the card his voice thick with emotion, about to crack, and tears threatening to spill. "I always wondered if you had the ice cream cake." I replied quietly and his bright laugh filled the room as tears spilled down his face. "I didn't celebrate after that year." he said after wiping the tears from his eyes. "We tried to throw him a party once, but he just got really angry then cried alone in his room." the braces boy said more to himself than anyone else. I watch as understanding flicked across the boys eyes. 

"What happened?" Felix asked drawing my attention back to him. "That gang took me. Just picked me up off the street. They had been keeping up with me. They knew about my-" I stopped realizing Felix didn't know about my parents. I never told him. I never wanted to be the one that broke his optimistic view of the world, but seeing as he's now wrapped up in gang activity I probably did that anyway. "What? Your parents?" he asked. I looked at him surprised. "Yeah, I know. I can't believe I never noticed. Or maybe I did and I just didn't want to know." He said sadly looking down at the floor with shame. "You know I would've never told you anyway." I responded and he knew it was true. "It made me an easy target. They knew I wouldn't be missed." I said evenly no emotion creeping into my voice. "We tried to talk to them. To go to the police, but they wouldn't file a report and-" Felix started rambling, but I cut him off "Felix it's okay." Then Felix realized something "Your parents... ummmm... they're..." he started. "What? Dead?" I replied and looked away when I quietly added "Who do you think killed them?" Felix looked a little surprised, but not shocked "Good" he said simply. "Felix seriously what kind of crazy person kills their own parents jesus." I said looking at him. "Your parents were the crazy ones." He replied and I just shook my head and motioned to the eight guys staring at us. "Care to explain?" I asked him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhh yeah this is a chapter I hope you like it (ALSO I KNOW IT SERIOUSLY SEEMS LIKE A FELIX FIC I PROMISE WE ARE GETTING TO CHAN)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow no warnings this time that's new

I just shook my head and motioned to the eight guys staring at us. "Care to explain?" I asked him. "Oh, right! Guys this is my twin sister y/n!" Felix said but they just stared at him. "I mean we're not actually twins we were just born on the same day. We met just before we turned six and we've been in love ever since." He stated and I almost choked before he quickly added "I MEAN NOT LIKE LOVE LOVE. LIKE TWIN LOVE. Not that like in THAT way, you know? That's so gross like incest or something." he finished and the squirrel looking one busted out laughing. 

"ANYWAY, y/n this is our baby Jeongin.” Felix says pointing at the cute kid with the braces and he smiles. “That is Jisung and Minho.” Felix said pointing at the squirrel looking one and the one who spoke up back when I was freeing them. “This is Seungmin and Hyunjin.” he said pointing at two boys one looked very studious and one was really tall and lean. “This is our mom Woojin.” He said motioning to the one that looks like a bear. “And this is our Changbinnie!” Felix said hearts practically coming out of his eyes as he smiled at Changbin. Changbin rolled his eyes, but smiled back down at Felix. I felt happy that Felix was looking at someone like that and made a mental note to grill him later. “And last but not least our leader Mr. Bang Chan.” I held his gaze as Felix introduced him and the feeling of something stirring deep in my chest reappeared confirming my fears that it wasn’t a random occurrence. Someone coughed and I realized I had been staring so I quickly turned away. 

“No one knows this place exists so you guys should be fine here, but they will come for us.” I informed them trying to shake off Chan’s gaze. “Y/n’s right we need to come up with a plan.” Hyunjin said “Yeah, we can’t stay here forever.” Seungmin added. “Look I don’t know if you guys have short term memory loss or something, but we just barely escaped death, so I’m gonna take it easy tonight!” Jisung responded and Minho agreed saying “Yeah I’m with squirrel boy on this one let’s chill out for a hot minute.” They all turn to Chan for the verdict. “Alright I don’t think we need to do anything right now. You guys can have tonight off, but you will be up early and ready to go tomorrow.” he said sternly. “Awww Chan can’t we sleep in? Pleeeeasseee.” Felix pleaded with him. Chan just sent Felix a harsh glare effectively sincling him before Woojin spoke up “Felix may be right. We’ve had little sleep these past few days maybe we should let them rest.” He looked at Chan for permission and Chan just sighed and waved his hand; the closest they would get to an approval. 

“Yes!” Jeongin yells then turns to me and asks “So y/n what do you for fun?” which took me by surprise. “Fun?” I responded questioningly. “I don’t- uh” I tried, but Felix saw me struggling and said “Do you have like any games or movies or something?” but I didn’t so I just stayed silent. “Okay! Well let’s just make some dinner and hang out! You do have food, right?” Felix asked. I walked over to the freezer and pulled out a large box of Felix’s favorite ice cream when we were young. I always ate it whenever I felt lonely and as I set it on the counter I heard Felix squeal. “Y/N oh my god!” he said bounding over to the kitchen and taking two ice creams. “This is my favorite!” he said with his deep ass voice. Then I pulled out another large box of ramen packs and set that on the counter before pulling out some cans and setting those on the counter too. 

“Dibs on not cooking!” Jisung shouted which then sparked an argument about was cooking before I simply stated “I will.” earning a chorus of “Thanks y/n.” and “Y/n you're the best!” to which I just turned and starting making the food trying to ignore Chans gaze. Wordlessly Chan and Woojin stayed behind to help me make food. “Thank you” Woojin says softly glancing my way “I mean for getting us out of there.” I didn't know what to say so I just nodded. Chan didn't look at us, but I knew he was listening. “You don't talk much, do you?” Woojin said smiling. “I- uh- I'm not really… used to speaking with others.” I replied half flustered half apologetic. Woojin let out a small chuckle before saying “Don't worry neither is Chan.” which elicited a glare from Chan himself. When we finished cooking the food we brought it over to living room through a chorus of yells and cheers from the younger boys. We all sat around the large table and began inhaling the food. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I smelt all that deliciousness. 

“So y/n” Minho began. “Why did you betray your gang just to save us?” Everyone was silent for beat before Felix tried to cut in. Everyone heard the accusation under the surface of that question. He didn't trust me. Honestly I couldn't blame him, so before Felix could speak I replied “That place… there was nothing for me there. The only reason I stayed was because that was the only life I'd known for all those years.” The boys all saw my eyes unfocus and heard the pain laced in my voice. I quickly snapped out of it and added “Anyway Felix is the only person who's ever loved me. I'd give my life to repay that debt.” to try and absolve the rest of their worry. “Y/n! You're so sweet!” Felix said trying to wrap himself around me. I had forgotten about this habit of his. I tensed before I eventually relaxed and let him attach himself to me. He used to always attack me with these unreturned bear hugs and I realized it seemed that he hasn't changed much at all. 

“How did you guys end up there anyway?” I asked curious how they got caught. “Some of our underlings tried to organize a coup. They were disposed of properly, but little did we know they had already leaked information.” Chan replied. “Suffice it to say it will not happen again.” he added anger glinting in his eyes. “Ooooh scary Chan is coming out.” Jeongin said quietly, but underneath I saw something else. When I met his eyes underneath that anger I saw guilt. His team had almost died and I saw clearly he was blaming himself. Before I even registered my words “It's not your fault.” slipped out softly. His eyes changed then. There was a question there of how I knew. How I saw those emotions he tried to keep hidden. I didn't know so I said nothing. I felt Woojin look between us before he directed the conversation in a new direction. “Why don't we play mafia guys?” Woojin asked causing the youngers to shout with excitement. So they played mafia (trust me the irony of that is not lost on me at all) as I watched on the side lines with Chan, Minho, and Seungmin. They played three rounds before Jeongin and Felix started complaining that they were tired. “There are five bedroom, so you should be fine as long as some of you don’t mind sharing a room.” I said inciting everyone to pair up. Felix grabbed Changbin and latched onto him in his typical fashion. Hyunjin slung his arm around Seungmin as Minho fell into Jisung asking to be carried. Woojin tackled Jeongin as he yelled “HYUNG.” Chan just stood there saying nothing as he watched them ascend the stairs. “I’ll help you clean up.” he states looking at the mess on the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading kids. As always feel free to yell at me about mistakes and updating.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhh sorry it's been awhile kids. Actually I got my wisdom teeth out so I've been suffering instead of writing. Anyway hope you enjoy this one. Also DISCLAIMER mentions of torture and sexual abuse (we back at it again boys)

Chan just stood there saying nothing as he watched them ascend the stairs. “I’ll help you clean up.” he states looking at the mess on the table. I don’t respond as we move to take all the dishes to the kitchen and begin washing them. He washes all the dishes as I dry them and put them away working like a well-oiled machine. “How did you know?” he asks not looking at me and I stop moving for a second before continuing to put the dishes away. “I’m not sure what you mean.” I say trying to feign ignorance. 

This causes him to stop what he’s doing and finally look at me. He just stares silently with his arms crossed waiting for me to answer his question. “I don’t know. I just- I just could see the guilt. I didn’t mean- It wasn’t my intention to comment on it. I wasn’t thinking.” I replied looking at the floor. “But I won’t rescind my words. It wasn’t your fault.” I said finally meeting his eyes. At this he just scoffed. “How could it not be my fault? I should’ve been more vigilant; taken more precautions.” “You didn’t have all the information. How could you have know they had leaked information?” I rebutted. “Still, I should have done more.” He said tension and stress visibly rolling off his body. “There’s no use regretting your past decisions. You can only take what you’ve learned here to prevent this from happening again.” I replied and he sighed finally releasing his tensed muscles as he muttered “You’re right.” turning back around to finish washing the dishes. I took a second longer to look at him like this. It was utterly fascinating watching how the muscles in his back and arms moved as he scrubbed the pot before continuing my duty of putting this plate away. 

“How long were you there?” He asked me after a few minutes of silence. “Since I was eleven.” I replied quietly. He was quiet and I could tell he wanted to know more. I’m not quite sure why, but I decided to give in and elaborate. “They took kids who had poor home lives or none at all. They trained us for various roles, and if you were deemed unworthy you would be sold. Most likely into sex slavery or something similar.” I said apathetically trying to distance myself from it. 

“How did they do it? Train you I mean.” he knew he was pushing it by asking, but he desperately wanted to know about you. Although in his mind he convinced himself he was only trying to gather information on the gang. I took a deep breath before starting. “They say you must know what it is to be tortured if you want to be proficient in doing it to others.” I don’t elaborate because I refuse to enter those memories. Not here, not now. “After they’ve decided enough is enough they teach you how to do things: fight, torture, kill. We practice on younger trainees and people from enemy gangs. It’s different for different roles, but for us that is how it is.” I finish and realize Chan has finished washing the dishes and is now staring at me. I quickly look away and finish putting the dry dishes away. 

“You can sleep in there.” I said pointing to the only room downstairs. “I’ll sleep on the couch.” Chan just shakes his head at me “No way. You just saved all of our asses.” he said  
“Well I’m sure as hell not letting you sleep on the couch.” I replied mimicking him and crossing my arms. 

We both stared at each other waiting to see who would break first. “Fine. If you’re going to be stubborn about it then you’ll just have to share the bed with me.” He said challenging me to back down. “Fine.” I replied defiantly as I followed him to the room. It was only after we’d passed over the threshold that I realized this was not going to end well for me. 

He stripped off his dirty shirt and pants and threw them on a chair in the corner of the room as he walked into the bathroom in only his boxers not looking at me once. His body was toned that’s for sure. It was obvious he worked out often, probably on a schedule judging by his personality. He had a few scars marking his body, but the rest was so smooth and pale. I swear I stopped breathing until he was out of sight. I don’t know who this guy is, but it was pissing me off what he was doing to me. 

I quickly stripped my clothes and put on one of the over-sized shirts I always wear to bed before Chan could see my body. Unlike his scars which punctuated the utter perfection of his skin, my scars were deep and ugly as they stretched over too much of my body. No one should be subjected to this misfortune of seeing me in a state of undress. 

Chan walks out of the bathroom and stops moving as his eyes land on me. My eyes widen as I quickly looked down and made sure he couldn’t see any of the major scars that marred my body, but I found them to be all covered. As I looked up confused he was already walking toward the bed. He flopped onto the bed, arms wide, before rolling around and finally getting under the covers. I couldn’t help myself and for the first time in a long while I felt the corners of my mouth turn slightly upward as I watched this scary gang leader roll around like a little kid. 

“What?” he asked looking up at me smiling. “You look like I little kid.” I told him. He just rolled his eyes as I crawled into bed. As soon as I got under the covers I felt the soft hand of sleep pulling me to the other side. This day had become something utterly unexpected and that was so, so tiring. 

I woke up the next morning to voices. “Wasn't he the one complaining about how we should be up early?” I heard someone say, but I wasn't awake enough to process what they say much less who they were. “Chan never sleeps this late. He must be dead.” a different voice replies. “Y/n hates being hugged.” a third voice sounds. “And Chan doesn't? Remember last time someone tried that shit?” the second voice shot back. “Jisung, Changbin, Felix get out and let them sleep dumbasses.” a fourth person whisper-shouts and last thing I heard was a soft chorus of “sorry Woojin”s before I fell back into the giant pile of warmth and thus back into sleep. 

I woke up for real when the pile of warmth I had been clinging to groaned under me. I slowly opened my eyes to the sight of me half on top of a barely sleeping Chan. My arms were wrapped around his abdomen and my head was on his shoulder. One of his hands was on my back caging me to him while the other one was holding one of my legs that were tangled with his. Just as I was fully grasping the situation I saw his eyes blink open. 

I quickly untangled myself from him and scooted to the other side of the bed. “sorry” I whispered but he just replied with “ ‘s okay” still half asleep as he sat up. He looked ravishing like this. With no shirt and hair sticking up on the sides. Tiredness still evident as he ran his hands over his face then through his hair. It wasn't just a stirring in my chest at this point. It had become a storm making my eyes go wide and face go red. Now this was starting to freak me out. 

He caught me staring and simply asked “Ready to get up?” I just nodded my head as I got out from under the covers. As I walked towards the door I heard Chan say “Hold on a second.” and as I turned around I saw him holding out a pair of my shorts to me. I looked at him, only in his boxers, pointedly. He just rolled his eyes then threw my shorts at me before moving to put his clothes back on. I slipped my shorts on and waited for him to finish getting dressed before we walked out of the room together. As soon as we left the bedroom we were met with eight pairs of eyes all fixed on us as we made our way over to the kitchen.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay here's chapter 5 for you guys. As always please comment, criticize, and yell at me for taking multiple years to update. To anyone still reading I don't know why you are, but thanks. I appreciate you.

“So… did you guys sleep well?” Woojin asked smiling into in coffee cup. Chan just grunted and I stayed silent as we trudged over to eat what was left of breakfast. As I sat at the counter still ignoring everyone's stares I pondered why I had slept so well. Usually I would never sleep that long without jolting awake from a nightmare. I can still see Sunwoos face so clearly from all the times I've seen him in my nightmares. 

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Hyunjin saying “So… what's the plan?” Jinsung replied “We still have a safe house that hasn't been compromised. It's not much, but it'll do until we can get a new headquarters.” Chan continues “We'll head there after we finish eating.” Everyone is silent for a minute before Jeongin speaks “What about y/n?” he says. Felix cuts in immediately saying “We have to take her with us.” Minho fires back saying “No way. No offense y/n, but I won't compromise our safety for this.” which begins an argument on whether or not they're responsible for me. Felix, Jeongin, amd Seungmin all arguing that they are with Minho, Hyunjin, and Jisung arguing the opposite. Changbin and Woojin are trying to calm everyone down while Chan stays silent. 

They all shut up when Chan finally speaks. “Y/n put herself in danger to save our lives and from what I've seen and heard we can trust her. Like it or not she's a part of our gang now.” his tone makes it clear there's no room for discussion, but Minho won't give up so quickly. “You can't be serious after what just happened! We can't be betrayed again!” he asserts. Chan is having none of it as he glares at Minho before replying “If you think I haven't thought about this you're quite wrong. I would never put us in danger intentionally, so I must really trust that she won't betray us.” his low booming voice daring someone to question him again. 

No one does, but some don't look happy even after accepting the decision. “It's not my intention to cause trouble here. I would never want to be a cause of tension, so I can take care of myself.” I saying hoping to end this unpleasantness. “No way. You don't stand a chance against a gang of their size and they won't just let you go.” Felix says and I just shrug. Woojin cuts in next agreeing with Felix “Letting you go by yourself is a death sentence.” Minho just crosses his arms and says nothing while Hyunjin sighs and says “Alright whatever Felix and Chan seem to trust you so I'll accept it.” Jisung nods at this and Minho still says nothing, but doesn't outright refuse. 

With this everyone seems to be, while not in a state of agreement, at least a state of acceptance. After everyone is done eating I pack all of my weapons into a backpack along with Felixs card and our picture while Hyunjin and Seungmin wash and put away the dishes. I move to my room and start packing some clothes away in a duffel bag as I hear someone open the door. I don't look at Chan as he closes the door and makes his way over to me. Neither of us says anything for a couple minutes. 

“You don't like this.” Chan says crouching down to look me. It pissed me off how easily he could read me. “I don't like being the cause of this tension. Especially since you guys have taken care of Felix all this time.” I replied. “I know.” he said simply making me pause and meet his eyes. He gave me a small smile and I stopped breathing. In the back of my head I knew I should take a breath before I passed out, but I couldn't quite remember how. “Don't worry so much about it. They'll get over it quickly.” he said standing up and finally allowing me to breathe again. 

I threw some more random stuff into my bag before following him out of the room. He tried to take my bag, but I just ducked under his arm and headed out to the kitchen. Jeongin jumped down the stairs as everyone gathered ready to go. “Everyone ready?” Chan said from behind me and everyone nodded. As we walked out to the car I didn't look back. I threw my bags into the back of the van then got into the passenger seat. Chan took charge of driving and everyone else loaded into the back. The van was quiet as most all of the members took this time to get some extra sleep in. Chan kept glancing at me as I pretended not to notice. “What?” I asked after no longer being able to ignore his stares. “Nothing.” he responds coldly, but I didn’t miss the tips of his ears tingeing pink. 

CHAN POV  
I looked in the rearview mirror as y/n put her bags into the trunk and then walked over to the passenger seat. I tore my gaze from her for a second to watch my members load into the van. I counted them and recounted them to make sure everyone was in before I started driving. The mid afternoon light filtered through the trees and passed through the car window to land on it’s passengers. I felt the sun warm my pale skin as I glanced at y/n. I couldn’t tell if it was the way the sun was framing her face or if she was just always so stunning, but I couldn’t bring myself to look away. I found it impossible not to glance at her as she stared out the window. Everytime I looked her way I felt like my heart had trouble beating. 

I looked back at the road as I thought back to the night before. As I walked out of the bathroom and saw her standing there dressed only in that oversized shirt, oblivious of what she was doing to me, I’m sure my heart stopped beating. She had slept right away that night so I had gotten the express privilege of seeing her sleeping face. She looked so much younger then. All the pain and worry replaced with the relaxation of unconsciousness. I had felt my heart break a little at that thought. Whatever she’s doing to me unsettled me to the highest degree, but under the dark cover of night I let myself feel for her. Only for a second, but still. I fell asleep not long after only to wake up to something weighing on my chest. It was warm and nice to hold though so I gripped it closer before I cracked my eyes open. The early morning light crawled from behind the curtain to land in slivers on y/n’s sleeping form that was now half on top of me. I briefly registered the feeling of my hands on her skin before she quickly scooted to the other side of the bed. Her hair was messy and tangled and her face was still droopy with sleep and I had never seen something so mesmerizing. She looked angelic as she softly choked out a ‘sorry’. 

I was brought back as I heard her voice. “What?” she asked. “Nothing.” I replied coldly, but the only words running through my head were ‘you’re stunning.’


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get a nice little taste of scary Chan so I'll put classic WARNING here for, that's right, good old violence. Anyway hope you enjoy and please give me any suggestions, criticism, or other comments. Thanks so much for reading this.

It wasn’t much longer till we reached their place. It was a cabin on the outskirts of the city. As we pulled up it looked quite unkempt and unassuming. Vines and foliage gripped onto the sides of the house and spread to the grounds around the property. “We’re here” Chan stated raising his voice a bit to awake any still sleeping passengers. A few groans were heard as we filtered out from the van. I went around to the back and grabbed my bag from the trunk before following everyone else inside. 

While the outside of the cabin looked quite lackluster the inside was very different. It was clean and neat with sleek lines and modern furnishings. Chan was currently on the phone updating the other sections of the gang that were lying low scattered around the city. Woojin was taking out some files while Seungmin had booted up a computer with Hyunjin over his shoulder. Changbin and Jisung were both taking stock of the weapons as Minho and Felix searched upstairs for new clothes and any food. Jeongin sat across from Seungmin on his own laptop lost in some code. 

I stood there unsure of what to do until Chan finished his call and saw me looking conflicted. He walked over and led me through the cabin pointing out the study, kitchen, and living room on the first floor. We then ascended the stairs to floor two which was composed of five rooms. Seungmin and Hyunjins then Minho and Jisungs on the right, while Woojin and Jeongin then Felix and Changbins were on the left. Chan then led me into the room at the end of the hall. 

“This is my room.” he said refusing to look at me. “You can stay in here and I’ll stay on the couch.” he continued. After the way you hurriedly scooted away from him this morning he thought you would be much more comfortable alone. Before thinking I replied “I’d prefer if you’d stay with me.” Chan’s gaze snapped to me as I realized what I’d said and I hastily added “I can’t let you sleep on the couch after you’ve let me come with you, but I’d rather not stay on it either. If you’re uncomfortable though I- uh- don’t mind sleeping on the couch or whatever is fine.” and suddenly I was the one unable to look at him. “No, no that’s fine. I can stay here.” came his soft reply before taking my bag and beginning to put my clothes away into his closet. I knelt down and began helping unpack my duffel. I handed him clothes which he put away in the proper spaces in the closet. I quickly realized, though, that I really hadn’t brought many clothes. 

Chan was hold out his hand for another item, but as his hands remained empty he turned to look at me. When he saw I didn’t have any more clothes he raised his eyebrows. “Is that all?” he questioned. Then added “What did you put in there then?” I showed him the rest of my bag which consisted of more than two-thirds of my weapons cabinet. (mostly knives) To which Chan just released a shorty, breathy laugh. “Priorities, huh?” he said. I just nodded my head, a small smile briefly running across my lips. 

Chan and I made our way back downstairs to be greeted by the rest of the team. Felix threw some new clothes to a few members then turned his to attention to Chan. Everyone was waiting to be updated on the current situation. “Most of our team is still intact. They’ve made sure the rats are all weeded out and everyone else has mainly been lying low waiting for our call.” Chan began. This surprised me greatly. In our gang if the leader became unavailable there would be an immediate coup in pursuit of power. In my limited experience with the members they weren’t exactly terribly fearsome men, but I gleaned this must only be one side of this team. The Chan that was speaking now was definitely someone who commanded respect and loyalty, but I’ve also seen the way his hair sticks up in the morning and the way his eyes unfocus at the thought of his members being put in jeopardy because of his mistake. 

“I spoke to Hoon and he says they’ve already compiled a special team to track us. Of course they’re upset that we escaped, but they’re extremely worried that we’ve run away with their… prized possession.” he continued glancing at me. “You better not be referring to me with that term.” I said as I cocked my head to fix my glaring gaze upon him. “Fortunately we are not so stupid to assume we own anyone here.” he finished fixing his gaze back onto the rest of the members. 

“Now what we need to focus on is how we should go about decimating this problem.” He poses. “What about her.” Minho says looking at Chan rather than me. “Every witness to what happened is dead. They may just assume we somehow escaped and took her hostage to lead us to the exit. We could use her as bait. Send her back looking a little… ‘worn out’ and figure out their plan.” He proposed before Felix quickly cuts in “No way. It’s too dangerous and honestly I doubt they’d trust her even if she came back.” He said. “Yeah that’s why we’d rough her up a little… or a lot. That way they’d think she’d just barely escaped.” Minho fired back. “Minho we can’t hurt y/n just for the sake of a plan that has more than enough holes in it already.” Woojin replies agreeing with Felix. 

“There is no way they’d believe that we were able to take her and escape if she wasn’t willing. Even if we had somehow managed to escape from what I saw earlier a few of us surely would’ve died trying to make our escape.” Chan said sneaking an impressed glance my way before continuing. “Not to mention we had no way of knowing there was a tracking device inside of that van that y/n took care of for us. After they went to such lengths to capture us in the first place I doubt they’ll underestimate us, and I refuse to go through with any plan that puts y/n into danger.” Chan added before realizing how that sounded and hastily rushing out “She is a member of this team now, and I’ll treat her as such.” 

At this Minho scoffed apparently getting braver by the day. “I never thought I’d see the day when your personal feelings clouded your brain Chan.” Minho said eyes widening at the realization of what he’d let slip through his lips. All of the sudden everyone was deathly quiet. Chan straightened his back and looked directly at Minho with a glare so cold the room temperature dropped ten degrees. A collective shiver washed over the room as Minho tried to stutter out something that could save his ass. 

Chan walked slowly over to Minho who was trying to back away before he bumped into Seungmin. Chan reached over and grabbed his throat with one hand and cut off his air supply while Minho was still trying to sputter out anything to help him. “Never have I let any of my personal feelings cloud my judgment and it will continue to the stay that way.” He hissed low directly into Minho’s face. “And I suggest to do the same. Don’t forget your place.” He added and Miho nodded his head vigorously before Chan released him into a coughing pile on the floor. Jisung immediately knelt down beside Minho to check if he was okay and then immediately hit him on the back of the head and began to scold him about what an absolute idiot he was. 

Chan simply turned and made his way toward the study. My eyes never left his figure and as the door to the study shut I had the inexplicable urge to follow him head there myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so... the next chapter. It's most likely, probably, gonna be a little smutty. So get ready for that I guess. Don't worry it won't be that intense... yet. ANYWAY hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'm sorry for taking so long to update. Please yell at me honestly I deserve it.

**Author's Note:**

> hhhhhh I'm sorry this wasn't that good. If by some miracle you liked it please feel free to yell at me to update on twitter and instagram @sidedishboi sorry again kids! (ALSO I SWEAR THIS ISN'T A FELIX FANFIC hhhh)


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